


black dust in orbit

by darkmochecoffee



Series: THE JOOHYUK AGENDA [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Forgive Me, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I think this is, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sexual Content, Switching, Touching, jooheon has songwriter's block, minhyuk is a doctor, verse characters, very soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-27 10:06:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19788658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkmochecoffee/pseuds/darkmochecoffee
Summary: the album isn't coming together easily and jooheon is underwater. but minhyuk is there, saving him from drowning once again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first monsta x fic and i seriously don't have a proper grasp on their dynamics. ya'll can sue me  
> twitter @showmyun 
> 
> title is 'weight in gold' by the wonderful gallant.

The studio overwhelms him sometimes. The darkness, the stillness, the deafening quiet.

It’s hard to get used to it, he’s been in the industry for so long, been in this situation countless of times. Jooheon should know how to deal with the emptiness, with the seemingly futile attempts to create music. His inability taunts him, like a wall he can’t scale over. He leans against the swivel chair he’d been perched upon for what feels like hours now. If he concentrates enough, he could almost point out which part of his body aches.

There’s absolutely nothing. He stares at the equipment in front of him and he gets the urge to sob, he dry heaves and swallows the panic boiling deep in his gut. He doesn’t want to cry, it never does anything. It doesn’t spark creativity, it doesn’t make his synthesizers produce a beat he could at least listen to.

Minhyuk doesn’t like it when he shelves his unease. He’s told Jooheon this before, that it’s alright. It’s alright to not come up with anything, to be frustrated and angry. He’s only human and it’s human to feel and process emotions. It’s just, Jooheon has tendencies, and he doesn’t allow his vulnerabilities to overwhelm him. He’s only ever showed weakness in front of Minhyuk because Minhyuk just understands. He knows how to calm Jooheon’s demons.

The chill in the studio seeps into Jooheon’s bones. It’s almost three am when he glances at the clock. He removes his glasses and presses his thumbs under his bloodshot eyes. He needs to go home, to Minhyuk.

//

Their shared flat is dark when Jooheon steps inside. He hooks his coat near the doorway and drops his car keys on the table near the door. He doesn’t call for Minhyuk. But Minhyuk senses Jooheon's presence, that's just the way they are.

“Heon?” Minhyuk’s voice is hoarse. “It’s late. I thought you’re gonna stay the night in your studio?”

Jooheon simply steps into the vicinity and lets the other man’s presence soothe his metaphorically ruffled feathers. Minhyuk welcomes him with open arms, his warm palms press into the skin of Jooheon’s waist.

“I miss you.” Jooheon breathes. He hears his own weakness in the tone of his voice. He’s exhausted and his soul longs for Minhyuk. “I feel so fucking useless.”

Minhyuk releases from the embrace and cups Jooheon’s cheeks. It’s almost funny, his entire palm can engulf one side of the songwriter’s cheek. “Trouble with your album?” Jooheon nods. Minhyuk just looks at him. He doesn’t say anything else, his presence is enough.

“If you want to talk about it. I’m here.”

Jooheon leans in, presses his face in the junction of Minhyuk’s neck and shoulder. “Do you still love me?”

Minhyuk’s embrace gets possessive when he tightens his arms around Jooheon’s frame. “What kind of stupid question is that?”

Jooheon’s weak chuckle echo in the silence. “Just checking, at the rate I’m going, I’ll probably be jobless by the end of the year.”

“And when we got together four years ago you weren’t even making ends meet. Shut the fuck up.”

“I’m sorry.” Jooheon says. “I feel like I don’t deserve you. You’re an entire miracle.”

“Heon.” Minhyuk kisses his neck and cards long fingers down Jooheon’s scalp. “I’m not an otherworldly deity. I’m just Minhyuk, don’t say such ridiculous things.”

But Jooheon is weak. He is shattered pieces.

“Minhyuk.” He gasps. “I feel helpless and useless and just…nothing.”

And Minhyuk doesn’t say anything as Jooheon breaks apart in front of him once more.

_The energy in the room was electrifying._

_Jooheon’s hair is as red as the words he spat into the mic. Bloody, fiery red. He was fueled by anger and artistic inclinations towards words he felt deep into the marrow of his bones, the ill concealed hate, the angst, and everything else in between written in his lyrics._

_Your dreams won’t get you anywhere._

_You’re not enough._

_You can’t._

_His words dripped with blood and four am tears._

_Then amongst the mass of undulating bodies beneath the fragile podium the club had set up for him, he saw Lee Minhyuk for the first time._

_Jooheon remembers Minhyuk’s gaze the most. He had jet black hair then, some fanning across his forehead. He stirred something within Jooheon. Jooheon had leaned down and stared back. He never intimidated Minhyuk. The raven almost looked amused._

_They were live wires coming together, electric. Jooheon cannot say what had drawn him in but he magnetized Jooheon and from then he kept falling and falling._

_“I’m Minhyuk.”_

_The room was almost pitch black except for the pane of light that cut across the room’s slightly opened draperies._

_Minhyuk. That was the name. Jooheon ran his fingers across skin displayed beneath him. He’s half lying against the other man. Swathed in darkness, he’d caressed him, somehow, he’d wanted to press imprints onto Minhyuk’s flesh, wanted to burn their short memory into the deepest recesses of his mind. He never wanted to forget something that’s meant to be fleeting._

_And Jooheon knew he shouldn’t have dug his own grave deeper than he already has, but he’s never learned to listen to himself. Minhyuk was just another bullet in Jooheon’s list of bad decisions, another mistake he’d regret and move on from._

_He’d repeated that, as Minhyuk caressed his skin and Jooheon willingly stepped into the fire._

__

“Do you feel better?”

They stand in the middle of the kitchen with Jooheon leaning half of his frame against Minhyuk’s body. The latter simply digs the tips of his fingers on Jooheon’s waist, reeling him in. Jooheon feels like he can breathe again, he’s not suffocating in the cage he’s made of his volition.

“Tea?” Minhyuk says, his voice hushed. “I think it’s over steeped.”

Jooheon nods. He refuses to remove himself from the man’s embrace so when Minhyuk turns to the counter to fix their drinks, Jooheon simply presses himself to Minhyuk’s back. His presence is a balm, and Jooheon once again delves into questioning what the fuck he did in his past life to deserve someone like Minhyuk.

They move to the bedroom after two cups of tart Earl Grey. Jooheon changes into his sleep clothes as he waits for Minhyuk to finish showering. Apparently, the other man arrived only a few minutes before Jooheon. That’s why he smelled like antiseptic. Minhyuk always smelled so disturbingly __clean__ after his shifts.

Lost in his thoughts, Jooheon stares at the adjacent bathroom door until Minhyuk steps out, heralded by steam and reeking of strawberry scented body wash. Jooheon scrunches his nose in distaste.

“You smell like an entire girl group.”

Minhyuk’s loud laugh is silenced by the rumbling of the blow dryer.

“And why do you think I smell like an entire girl group? Is that what you do in your free time, gallivant with pretty young ladies?”

Jooheon chuckles. “Yes, baby. I _gallivant_ with them all the time.”

_Minhyuk didn’t leave._

_Jooheon stared at him the morning after they fucked so senselessly, Jooheon’s legs went numb._

_“Morning.” Minhyuk told him. Jooheon’s half blind and drowsy but he was sure it’s a supposed one night fuck buddy, staring at him when he should have left hours ago. “Prescription glasses?”_

_Jooheon nodded. He let Minhyuk slide it across his face. “You’re going to fuck up your eyes, further. Wear it will you?”_

_“I’m sorry, what are you doing?” Jooheon croaked. His voice was hoarse. “And is that my shirt?”_

_“I’m borrowing if you don’t mind. Mine’s covered in come and I think that’s your fault.”_

_Jooheon needed a minute to process the statement and when he did, he laughed. They’re an unusual sight._

_“So, are you not getting up?” Minhyuk asked him, “I’m fucking starving and I believe it’s common courtesy to ask you out for brunch.”_

_Jooheon nodded and got up._

__

“I know the album’s stressing you out too much but you can always talk to me.”

They’re tangled in bed, bodies press closely together. They mold into each other, one can’t tell where Minhyuk ended and Jooheon began.

Jooheon allows the other to plant chaste kisses all over his neck, a tactile display of affection. Jooheon basks in it.

“I’m not getting anywhere.” Jooheon admits. “It’s been days and I’m just stuck.”

“What about that demo you played for me?”

“Trashed it.”

Minhyuk, almost horrified, says “You didn’t.”

“I’m kidding. It’s still there, bare bones and all.”

Jooheon detaches from the embrace and leans across Minhyuk to get his laptop precariously perched on the side table. The device opens into the application he left running. He plays the audio file and wants to scream at how incomplete it sounded.

“It’s fucking garbage.” Jooheon remarks after the sound echoes into a finality.

Minhyuk doesn’t look perturbed. “I liked it. Maybe you should add in some electric guitar through, then boost the bass just a bit.”

“You think?” Jooheon asks. “God, I knew RNB will never suit me. It’s a fucking mistake.”

“No.” Minhyuk tells him. “This is a new thing and I know it’s scaring you, but you’ve always had it in you, Heon. And you won’t realize this until you put it out there. Be brave about your passion.”

__“_ What’s a medical student like you even doing in shady clubs?” Jooheon asked Minhyuk one time. It’s almost dawn. Minhyuk crammed while Jooheon played around with his lyrics. _

_Minhyuk twirled the pencil in his grasp. He stared at Jooheon through his rimless glasses and raised an eyebrow. “Because I wanted a change, I guess?”_

_Jooheon hummed, crossing out lyrics that didn’t make sense. “And you expect me to believe that?”_

_Minhyuk topped off his stale coffee and laughed quietly. “It’s hard to deal with people’s expectations, is all. I’m tired and I wanted to think, wanted a change.”_

_Jooheon was quiet._

_“Do you always wanted to be a doctor?”_

_“I don’t know.” Minhyuk replied as he skimmed through the pages of the thick book in front of him. “It’s just my parents are doctors, my sibling is a doctor. I’ve walked on a paved path since I was born and I didn’t stop to think if there’s another way.”_

_“Doesn’t it make you miserable?”_

_Minhyuk shrugged, “Not really. I don’t have other things, Heon. I don’t know what makes me happy or what makes me miserable. I’m just going about my life dictated by outside forces because I’ve allowed them to.”_

_“Sounds tough.”_

_“Not really. Let’s just say that I’m figuring things out as I go and I’m trying not to get myself killed in the process.”_

_Jooheon frowned. “Don’t say that. If anything bothers you, you could just talk to me about it. We’re friends right?”_

_“Friends?” Minhyuk threw a piece of bunched up paper at the rapper. “Yeah right.”_

Jooheon stares pensively at the screen and ruminates Minhyuk’s suggestion. It seems feasible and he can hear the boosted bass ring in his mind. He’ll work on it tomorrow, when he’s cleared the weight lodged in his chest and his entire being stops aching for reasons that can’t be helped.

“Hey.” Minhyuk wraps his arms around Jooheon’s torso and presses a short kiss on the back of Jooheon’s neck. “I can hear you think.”

“I’m sorry.” Jooheon sinks into the embrace. Minhyuk’s chest radiates warmth and Jooheon finds comfort in his touch, like he could escape from the whole damn world and drown in the presence of the man he loves, knowing he’ll always be there to pull him back up.

“Heon.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re the best that’s ever happened to me.” Minhyuk’s voice falls quiet and even in their still bedroom. Jooheon hears himself exhale and then he shifts so that he could kiss Minhyuk. They’ve been together for seemingly forever, and yet when Jooheon basks in their soft touches, it’s always like the first time. Minhyuk sometimes gets into a trance and he likes to kiss Jooheon so gently with their tongues curling softly against each other. Minhyuk has never been a romantic person, but sometimes he forgets that, and makes Jooheon’s skin tingle.

__S_ ix months. They’ve been in this odd friendship for half a year and the prospects of a future scared the living daylights out of Lee Jooheon._

_He allowed himself to let Minhyuk back him up against the door frame of his tiny flat. Minhyuk’s hands were everywhere and Jooheon’s mind scattered, he couldn’t breathe properly, merely holding on to Minhyuk’s frame for dear life._

_He’s usually never this soft, not really the type of person to allow someone else to get under his skin unitl he’s putty in their hands. But Jooheon melted. Minhyuk’s exhale was warm as he breathed into Jooheon’s skin. Jooheon wanted him so badly, it ached._

_And he bit his tongue, he didn’t want to beg but Minhyuk knew how to press his buttons, what to do to make Jooheon fall apart. And Jooheon was falling apart and he didn’t think that Minhyuk was his friend, a person he spent hazy dawns with, the same person who went to questionable places to watch Jooheon spit fire into his mic._

_They weren’t anything, yet, but Jooheon was losing his mind with pure want._

_Minhyuk unraveled him and Jooheon wouldn’t have allowed that to happen if he wasn’t falling in love._

_“Hey, date me?” Minhyuk asked later. He pressed the tip of his fingers all over the marks littered on the landscape of Jooheon’s body. He did that because he liked hearing Jooheon mumble incomprehensible words into Minhyuk’s throat. And he did that because Minhyuk liked seeing his marks on Jooheon._

_“What?” Jooheon can barely move. He floated in this post coital limbo and his eyes felt like they were veiled in a rose colored haze. He’s fallen so deeply he didn’t care anymore. “Date?”_

_“Be mine.” There was nothing remotely romantic about Minhyuk’s tone, no other declarations worthy of prime time television. Jooheon felt it nonetheless and if he weren’t so fucked out, he would’ve panicked._

_But Lee Jooheon, for the first time in his life, was in love and everything fell into their rightful places._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song mentioned here is NOT MINE IN ANYWAY. it's by the wonderful 'gallant' .
> 
> title: weight in gold  
> album: ology 
> 
> im bad at writing secks so scream at me. twitter: @showmyun (i cry over shownu, jooheon and wonho most of the time)

Mornings are rarely calm in their household.

Jooheon is not allowed to step into the kitchen though, Minhyuk goes berserk if somebody dares to lay their hands on his professionally sharpened knives. Jooheon admits that it’s quite frightening to look at his boyfriend when he is in a possession of a glinting meat cleaver.

The songwriter wakes up half blind. Minhyuk’s side of the bed is cold, Jooheon frowns. He trudges into the kitchen after putting his glasses on and sees Minhyuk laying plates laden with food on the breakfast counter.

“Morning.” Jooheon croaks. His voice makes Minhyuk laugh. “You don’t have work?”

Minhyuk shrugs. “Took a sick leave.”

Jooheon grabs one of the coffee mugs available on the table, “Really? Do you feel okay, why are you out here?”

“It’s an excuse, Jooheon.” Minhyuk sighs, “I figured that we both need a break. The album’s stressing you out and frankly when you’re stressed, I get stressed too. Bad for my skin.”

Jooheon chews on pancake and chuckles, “And I thought my boyfriend just wanted to show me some love.”

“Tough love, darling. Now let’s eat, I’m driving us to Hyunwoo’s.”

_“Are you really gonna leave me hanging here?”_

_Jooheon belatedly realized how beautiful Minhyuk was. He was pretty, inherently, with a visage almost feminine in its softness. Jooheon found him attractive, but not beautiful. But this Minhyuk, who’s lying on his front, sprawled naked and swathed in Jooheon’s sheets, was breathtaking. Jooheon reeled from the confession and his skin still tingled from Minhyuk’s touches._

_“You don’t seem like you’d take no for an answer.” Jooheon allowed his eyes to fall shut as he listened to Minhyuk’s sharp inhale. “Don’t you?_

_"“Don’t test me.” Minhyuk said evenly. “I’m not gonna stop until you’re mine.”_

_Jooheon answered his qualms by tangling their fingers together. “Yours then. But don’t get all fucking possessive on me.”_

_Minhyuk rolled on top of him, laughing. “And you said that after giving yourself to me? Real smooth, Lee Jooheon. I should give you an award.”_

_Jooheon leaned up and kissed him just to shut him up._

__

Minhyuk connects his phone through the car’s audio system, smooth blues and some tracks off of Jooheon’s last album spill from the speaker. They’re quiet, unusually so, considering Minhyuk’s tendencies for unlimited chatter. Jooheon is thankful for the peace and lets his mind wander, hoping that a spark would ignite his creativity.

He gets nothing and he starts to believe that this is his much awaited sign from the powers that be.

“You do know that I can hear you think, right?” Minhyuk says and slightly floors the vehicle. “Stop, Heon. I know where those thoughts lead to and trust me, it’s not good for you.”

The words make Jooheon smile so he follows on Minhyuk’s advice, his self deprecating thoughts cease to exist. There’s just Minhyuk’s soft humming and the ocean view from outside the car’s window. Jooheon chooses not to think about the neck deep mess he’s in, instead he basks in the presence of Minhyuk’s presence and forgets.

The large beachfront villa is the only property on a long stretch of ivory coastline. It has two floors, the exterior exuding a welcoming aura with its white paint and light blue trimmings. The place is owned by Hyunwoo, one of their friends and Minhyuk’s department chief in cardiology.

Not to mention the reason for a lot of Jooheon’s abject insecurities. He chuckles at the memory.

“Hyunwoo’s out of the country.” Minhyuk dangles the keys to the door in front of Jooheon’s face. His smile is warm and absolutely disarming. It settles the unrest bubbling at the back of Jooheon’s mind. “I thought the beach would do you good. Get some peace and quiet. Maybe it’ll inspire you somehow.”

Jooheon presses a chaste peck on the doctor’s cheek, smiling. “You’re the best.”

“I know.”

They both laugh.

_The first time Lee Jooheon met Son Hyunwoo, Jooheon had wanted to punch him. sock him across his face so hard he’d lose some of his appeal. Jooheon had been that bitter._

_He’d made it official with Minhyuk two months back. Their relationship was precarious but at the same time addicting. The feelings that came with Minhyuk were a drug, the way he said his words, his actions, the way he instantly knew Jooheon’s tendencies and nuances. To cut the chase, Minhyuk was pretty fucking perfect - figuratively and literally._

_And Jooheon was scared shitless of his own feelings. The fact that he knew he loved Minhyuk and his bones shook at the possibility of losing the older man._

_Then came Son Hyunwoo, the bane of his existence. Son Hyunwoo, Minhyuk’s best friend. Son Hyunwoo, who’s tall, illegally good looking, top of his and Minhyuk’s class, and way out of Jooheon’s league._

_Jooheon so badly wanted to dislike the man. He and Minhyuk were childhood buddies, their families connected through friendship and businesses. Jooheon didn’t fail to notice the relationship between the two, strong and organic._

_You see, Minhyuk looked almost fragile but he was from it. In reality, Minhyuk took and gave control in equal measure, he had a solid grasp on his life and acted upon decisions with rationality. He was clinical to a precision that sometimes made Jooheon question his existence in Minhyuk’s life. What did Minhyuk even see in him?_

_But Son Hyunwoo knew Minhyuk in a way that Jooheon never did. Hyunwoo saw Minhyuk’s vulnerabilities in a light that Minhyuk never bothered to show Jooheon. The way they acted towards each other was akin to gravitational pull, they were puzzle pieces in a complicated jigsaw._

_The first time they met, Hyunwoo gave Jooheon this secretive smile, his eyes formed crescents and he would have looked adorable if it weren’t for Jooheon’s inherent distaste for him._

_“Hyunwoo this is Jooheon.” Minhyuk wrapped an arm around Jooheon’s waist and pulled their bodies together. “My boyfriend.”_

_Hyunwoo chuckled, like he was mocking Jooheon and Minhyuk’s choice of words. He didn’t even say anything but he irked Jooheon to such a considerable degree._

_“The boyfriend, huh.” Hyunwoo ruffled his hair and offered Jooheon yet another ambiguous smile. “I’m Hyunwoo.”_

_Jooheon did not want to act like a coherent human being in preference to acting like a sulky child. He sat rooted on his spot and tried not to cry because Hyunwoo had so much inside jokes to tell and Minhyuk somehow made the entire situation worse by explaining everything to Jooheon._

_His day was going swimmingly._

_On top of Hyunwoo’s annoyingly impeccable nature, he also had to be filthy, disgustingly loaded. Hyunwoo took them to his beachfront villa in the middle of winter because the sea was at its calmest and the chill made for a good distraction. Jooheon’s mood is more freezing than the wind that bit ice onto his skin._

_He was beginning to form a monumental dislike for the man and Jooheon really didn’t appreciate that about himself._

_Inadvertently, Minhyuk noticed. Because that’s just the way Minhyuk operated, like he could pick apart Jooheon’s elaborately complex thoughts just by looking._

_“Hyunwoo has a girlfriend.” Minhyuk nipped at the skin of Jooheon’s neck and Jooheon bit back a moan. It was eleven something in the evening. He could hear the muted sound of ocean waves from outside the window. Jooheon was a bit drunk, and he’d practically begged for Minhyuk. “He’s very in love with this woman and he plans to marry her in the foreseeable future.”_

_Blunt nails dug half crescents down Minhyuk’s spine as Jooheon slowly undid under his touch. “Why are you telling me this?”_

_“Honey,” Minhyuk pressed open mouthed kisses onto the plane of Jooheon’s shoulder after he flipped Jooheon onto his belly. “You’re so fucking transparent, do you know that?”_

_Jooheon rationalized between being offended or purring in appreciation at Minhyuk’s rare utterance of a pet name. He decided to call Jooheon, ‘honey’, after witnessing Jooheon’s inclinations towards softness and his tendencies to crave affection when he’s had enough alcohol in his system. Minhyuk’s voice made Jooheon’s toes curl and they were not even fucking just yet._

_“I hate you.” Minhyuk’s hands traipsed down Jooheon’s spine to the back of Jooheon’s thighs, clutching as if he’d wanted to leave a mark (Jooheon wanted him to leave a mark, burn it into Jooheon’s skin if he must). “I’m not transparent.”_

_“You are.” Minhyuk fucked into him with long, slender fingers, and he’d curl them into Jooheon’s velvet heat until Jooheon went insane. “Just like how transparent you are right now. I know you’ll beg.”_

_Jooheon’s teeth met the skin of his lower lip and he would have plunged into the mattress if it weren’t for Minhyuk’s hold around his waist. Jooheon had half a mind to confirm Minhyuk’s statement. “Please, please, please.”_

_“I love it by the way.” Minhyuk casually muttered, sheathed himself inside Jooheon and fucked him into tears. “Love to see the expression on your face, so open, so different from the person on that stage and it’s all fucking mine.”_

_Jooheon didn’t bite down his sounds and if Hyunwoo could hear his pleasure from a few doors down, he didn’t give a fuck anymore._

_Later, Minhyuk kissed him chastely and his warm plans wandered down the expanse of Jooheon’s body. Jooheon leaned into the touch, comforting like it’s a tactile lullaby._

_“Can’t get enough of you.” Minhyuk spoke, ghost centimeters separating their skin._

_Jooheon was floating in a limbo. He’s so in love with him, his bones ached at the thought. “Why do you think I’m transparent?” He asked while Minhyuk’s lips continued to draw patterns on his skin._

_“It’s written on your face.” Minhyuk answered. “It was for me, those looks you think Hyunwoo gave you. It was directed at me, because he knows I’m not like him. I don’t do commitment, Heon. I find relationships inane. I don’t fall in love.” Jooheon thought he’ll stop breathing. “See, you’re so transparent.”_

_“Because I love you.” Jooheon whispered. “I love you so fucking much it shows on my face.”_

_“I know, Jooheon, I know.” Jooheon shut his eyes but he’s too weak to put a stop to Minhyuk’s caresses. “I can’t promise you anything. I don’t want to tell you that it’s the same, because I’ll be lying. And I don’t like lying Heon. I don’t want to fake it.”_

_“This hurts.” Jooheon managed a weak smile. “You’re hurting me. I don’t even need to tell you this because it’s probably on my face.”_

_“I’m sorry, Honey.” Minhyuk wiped the tears under Jooheon’s eyes. “This is selfish but I want you to wait for me.”_

_“Fuck you.” Jooheon snickered, his eyes watery. “You know, I’ll fucking wait forever.”_

_Minhyuk leaned in to kiss him, it’s one of those that made Jooheon heady. He weakly clutched at Minhyuk’s body and pulled him closer._

_“But I’m honest when I say I can’t get enough, you make me feel so many fucking things. I’m melting all the time. If I could touch you forever, trust me I will, in a heartbeat.” Minhyuk smiled and Jooheon somehow knew that he’s safe in Minhyuk’s hands._

_“Can you love me please?” Minhyuk really got under his skin so deeply, he’s practically in shards. “Love me and only me.”_

_“In time Jooheon.” Minhyuk held him so softly. “Wait for me, okay?”_

_“Don’t get attached.”_

_Jooheon stared at burning coals, gaze wondering to the pronounced veins on Hyunwoo’s arms, then settled on the older man’s face. Minhyuk was fast approaching, arms laden with two six packs. Jooheon shook his head, “I’m already too attached.”_

_“I hope you’re not like all the others. I don’t want Minhyuk to break you. You seem like a good kid.”_

_But when Minhyuk sat beside him and handed him a can of beer in that freezing weather, Jooheon knew he’ll be alright._

Lights flood the darkened room as soon as they step into the threshold. The furniture seemed well kept after all these years. Jooheon suddenly hears a spectre of melody in his ears, the beginnings of a song creeping at him gently, coaxing the cogs in his brain to turn. It makes Jooheon glad.

“Hyunwoo’s still in the honeymoon phase, huh?” Jooheon saunters towards the piano in the living room and runs his fingers through the dustless keys. Minhyuk chuckles all the way to the fairly stocked kitchen and grabs two bottles of orange juice from the fridge. “Cut him some slack, he’s been married for three months.”

Jooheon plays the melody on the piano. Hesitant fingers form a slightly disjointed sound that echoes in the silence, disjointed but Jooheon hears the music in his mind, clearly. His fingers cease when Minhyuk leans against his back and breathes a warm exhale onto Jooheon’s neck. “That sounds good.”

“You think so?” Jooheon turns and captures the others lips. He can feel Minhyuk’s smile against the seam of his mouth.

“I know so. Let’s go get dinner.”

//

Feet sink into ivory sand. Jooheon watches Minhyuk’s back and the way his hair blows into a disarray. He’s really beautiful and the rest of the melody sings into Jooheon’s ear, a concerto only for him. Jooheon wraps his arms around Minhyuk’s torso and pulls.

“I never told you how much I adore this jet black hair on you.” Jooheon nuzzles into the man’s neck, inhales the scent concentrated on his pulse point. “You’re so beautiful.”

“When did you get so bold?” The answer to that question gets lost somewhere between Jooheon’s lips on Minhyuk’s throat and the gasp that follows.

“I don’t know.” Jooheon nibbles on an earlobe, his hands wander underneath Minhyuk’s clothes. “Am I bold?”

“Jooheon _,_ _please_. _ _”__

And that breaks Jooheon’s train of thought, entirely replaced by images of Minhyuk naked beneath him.

“Please what?”

“Lee Jooheon, don’t test me.”

Jooheon laughs and he drags Minhyuk all the way back to the villa. The predicament is almost laughable but they fall into each other almost organically. Minhyuk chuckles when Jooheon manhandles him against the door. His kisses are slow and almost unethically chaste but deep inside he knew that’s how Minhyuk likes him, all teasing nips until Jooheon manages to uproot him, rile him up until he’s bursting from the seams.

A leg wedged between Minhyuk’s thighs, Jooheon’s palms on possessive upon Minhyuk’s skin. A vehement “Fuck.” leaves Minhyuk’s lips. Indented by another moan. Jooheon knows he’s got him.

“Take this off.” Minhyuk performs his own order and messily peels Jooheon’s skin tight shirt off his broad frame. “So fucking gorgeous.” and it should have been the other way around but Jooheon melts at the words anyway. He pushes Minhyuk off him, the burn of his lover’s touches is almost primal.

“No.” Jooheon says, “I want you.”

The harried movements cease and Minhyuk’s expression is doused. He looks sultry, hair a mess, lips parted. Jooheon gets the urge to destroy him, pull him apart and put him back together.

“What are you gonna do to me, Honey?” Minhyuk asks. Jooheon hears his voice so clearly and with it are scrambled sentences. Jooheon puts his hands on the back of Minhyuk’s thighs lifts him up so he’s sandwiched between Jooheon and the wall. Minhyuk’s raises a brow.

Jooheon licks a long stripe on Minhyuk’s jaw, the latter’s legs tighten around his waist. “Gonna fuck you.” right into Minhyuk’s pulse point.

Minhyuk’s sudden inhale has the scrambled sentences forming into cohesive lyrics. “Yes, Jooheon.” He digs the pads of his fingers onto Jooheon’s scalp. “Yes, please.” And Jooheon doesn’t have the capacity to deny him of anything. He lifts Minhyuk into the bedroom, mind distantly wandering to Hyunwoo’s would be reaction after he realizes that his place has been defiled once again.

The sheets are egregiously smooth. Jooheon shoves Minhyuk onto the finest of Egyptian cotton and hurriedly divests him of his clothing. They’re impatient, a tangle of limbs and sweaty skin, every movement indented by a gasp, a choked off moan. The song in Jooheon’s mind forms a chorus.

“Jooheon, fuck, you’re going to kill me.”

Minhyuk’s an absolute artist with his words. He can voice straight sentences even with Jooheon fucking him into the next millenia.

“You’re still talking.” Jooheon says, slings Minhyuk’s legs over his shoulder so he could kiss the backside of his thighs, fucking gorgeous thighs. Minhyuk throws his head back, when Jooheon’s lips wander lower, right next to where Minhyuk needed him the most. “Jooheon, baby, _please _\- “__ Jooheon takes him into his mouth, tongue flattening underneath the veins of Minhyuk’s cock. Minhyuk spasms, forgets his words entirely and Jooheon casually falls even more deeper, as if he hasn’t plunged into the abyss a long, long time ago.

Minhyuk is close, Jooheon can feel him tremble underneath him, Minhyuk drives the point further when he almost cries after Jooheon releases his cock. Jooheon trails his kisses up, leaving marks on Minhyuk’s hip, his chest, the junction of his neck, pointedly ignoring both of their arousal in favor of curling his tongue into Minhyuk’s mouth. Jooheon will combust in need but he loves witnessing his effect on Minhyuk, the seemingly untouchable Lee Minhyuk made malleable with his touches.

“Can I?” Jooheon asks, hands reaching for necessary items on the side table drawer. Minhyuk throws his arms around Jooheon’s neck, their cocks brush in the most agonizing manner. He nibbles Jooheon’s ear, whispers “Do what you wish, it’s yours.”

The song in Jooheon’s mind reaches a crescendo.

Jooheon opens the lube he’d retrieved. He pours an amount onto his fingers and on Minhyuk’s clenching hole.

“Jooheon, fuck me.” Long legs spread, milky thighs as smooth as sin. Jooheon pushes himself in and fails to bite back the groan that leaves his lungs. “You’re so fucking perfect.” He says as warning, right before he punches into the spot that makes Minhyuk white out. Minhyuk claws him, and even in this haze, Jooheon feels pain that merely compounds his pleasure. “You think you can come without me touching you?”

_“Jooheon, Jooheon, Jooheon."_

Jooheon thrusts pick up, he grasps Minhyuk’s thighs tighter and fucks him the way he loves it, the way Jooheon loves him

His whole body seizes, and when Minhyuk comes in between their chests, Jooheon’s song finishes. Minhyuk shakes underneath him, clenching around Jooheon until it coaxes Jooheon’s climax.

“I love you.” Minhyuk gasps.

Jooheon adores their dynamics, the way Minhyuk makes Jooheon literally cry in pleasure, and the way he makes Minhyuk lose the control he loves so much. The raven floats in subspace, his hair matted onto his forehead. Jooheon kisses him softly, “I love you, Honey. I love you so much.”

“I know.” Jooheon rakes obsidian hair off Minhyuk’s forehead and cleans the come off their bodies. Minhyuk only looks at him with an expression that only Jooheon is allowed to see - face flushed, smile dreamy, pupils dilated - Jooheon can’t get enough. He’s a picture that dominates Jooheon’s fevered dreams. “I love you too. It fucking hurts sometimes.”

Jooheon casually lies on top of him, allows Minhyuk to draw senseless patterns on his back. “Say it again.”

“I love you.” Minhyuk giggles, the fucking makes Minhyuk soft, makes him lose all his snark and what’s left has the potential to cause major damage on Jooheon’s heart. Jooheon is truly done. He rolls onto his back, their positions reverse. His embrace tightens around Minhyuk’s frame. “Mine forever.”

//

It’s four am, Jooheon messily scrawls notes onto Hyunwoo’s personal prescription sheets, lyrics written organically he doesn’t even cross words out.

> **_Black dust in orbit_ **   
>  **_Cascades down like a parachute_ **   
>  **_Bricks on my shoulders_ **   
>  **_This gravity hurts when you know the truth_ **
> 
> ****

When he tries his own composition, it makes sense somehow. His quiet voice echoes in the silence, unusually stable for someone who’s supposed to be a rapper.

> _**I'm pulling my weight in gold** _   
>  _**Call me anxious, call me broke** _   
>  _**But I can't lift this on my own** _   
>  _**Pulling my weight in gold** _   
>  _**Call me anxious, call me broke** _   
>  _**But I can't lift this on my own.** _
> 
> __

Jooheon lets it all out, until his throat hurt, until his chest stopped aching from the emptiness caused by his failure.

> _**We dreamt like martyrs** _   
>  _**I never thought I was bold enough** _   
>  _**You pushed me further** _   
>  _**And I take the blame for the both of us.** _
> 
> __

It’s a complete song, written in under an hour, inspired by his own demons and Minhyuk’s nail marks on his skin.

“Jooheon?”

He lifts his fingers off the keys and looks at Minhyuk standing on the other side of the piano.

“Did I wake you?” Jooheon smiles. “I’m sorry.”

Minhyuk rounds the corner to stand in front of Jooheon. Jooheon turns his back to the piano and presses his forehead on Minhyuk’s naked belly. Minhyuk rakes his fingers through Jooheon’s hair. “That was beautiful, Jooheon.”

“Really?”

“When did I ever lie to you?”

“You don’t.” Jooheon says, chuckling. “You don’t, Minhyuk.”


End file.
